The Good Al-Qaida
By Michael English
Summary: It is hard to get across
the outrage which the original parable of the Good Samaritan would have caused. Here is a version for the early twenty-first
century western world.
Bible Reference: Luke 10:25-37
Characters: Narrator, Victor the Victim, Addict 1, Addict 2, Bishop, Worship Leader, Terrorist 1, Terrorist 2.
Props: Bicycle, wallet, bishops regalia, guitar in case, gun, bowler hats and umbrellas and pin stripe suits, leaflet.
Setting: A town anywhere in the western world during the early twenty-first century. The script should be edited to reflect the names of places, hotels, reservoirs etc. in your locale.
Narrator: This is a parable within a parable. Look, listen and understand if you can.
Once there was a man who worked in the centre of Cambridge. One night he had to work late. It had gone midnight by the time he finally began to pedal home to Milton.
He came to Midsummer Common. Many of the lights had been vandalised and the man found himself cycling in darkness. Ahead he could hear faint voices - a group of youths had gathered by the river. He increased his speed.
(Victor the Victim
cycles into the church)
Suddenly someone leapt out of the darkness and sent him crashing to the ground.
(Addict 1 does this)
The rest of the youths joined in and assaulted him viscously. They wanted money to feed their drugs habit.
(Addict 2 proudly
holds up the wallet he has taken. Addict
1 takes the wallet and opens it.)
Addict 1: Two credit cards and a measly 50 quid.
(Addict 1 takes the
money out of the wallet. He tosses the
empty wallet away)
Addict 2: It's enough for now, come on.
(The youths disappear
into the darkness laughing and joking - they have become quite high).
Addict 1: Hey did you see how I took him out....
Addict 2: Yeah. Kapoom. Wish I had a shooter.
Narrator: For a long while the man lay in the darkness unconscious.
(A bell sounds from a
nearby church tower - one o'clock)
Narrator: Now that night a Bishop had been attending a conference in Cambridge. He had missed the last bus and had to walk back to Cowley Road where he had left his car.
(The Bishop enters -
with robes, mitre and crozier. He ambles towards the body. He is clearly day
dreaming)
Bishop: Bless you my son!
(The Bishop suddenly
realises what has happened).
Bishop: Oh dear, this is terrible. Is nowhere safe?
(He looks around
furtively)
Bishop: I'd better go the long way round by Elizabeth Way.
(The Bishop hurries back the way he came.)
Narrator: Another hour passed with the man just lying there, bleeding into the grass.
(A bell sounds twice - two o'clock)
Narrator: Then
the leader of a Christian Worship Band arrived.
He had spent ages signing autographs after the night's performance and
was feeling tired.
(The Worship Leader enters. He is carrying a guitar case. He yawns.)
WL: Ah! Someone else I can minister to. You know, its a great sacrifice for me to do this - I've had a long day, but I can see that your need is very great. This song will enable you to give yourself to God - you'll be able to put all your troubles on him.
(The Worship Leader
gets his guitar out. One verse of a song
is played from a CD which the Worship Leader mimes to. A song that was sung earlier in the service
would be ideal.)
WL: Raise your hand if you want to receive God's blessing.
(Victor the Victim
groans.)
WL: I'll take that as a yes. Bye now.
(The worship leader
goes on his way whistling - the song just used if possible).
Narrator: So it was that the man was left alone again in the cold darkness.
(A bell sounds three
times)
Narrator: Now it happened that two members of an Al-Qaida terrorist cell had chosen this very spot in which to meet.
(Two Al-Qaida terrorists approach from opposite sides. They are wearing pin-stripe suits and bowler
hats and carrying furled umbrellas. They
are obviously meant to blend in with Westerners, but have somehow got it
completely wrong.)
Terrorist 1: Heil Bin Laden!
Terrorist 2: No, no, no. We have to blend in with these immoral westerners.
Terrorist 1: So should I greet you like this Ibrahim, my friend.
(Terrorist 1 goes to kiss terrorist 2, Arab
style. Terrorist 2 pushes him away).
Terrorist 2: No, no no. You must shake hands like this and say. Bertie, old bean, how spiffingly marvellous to see you again.
Terrorist 1: I say Marmaduke old boy, this is a pleasure.
Terrorist 2: Much better.
(They suddenly notice the man on the
ground).
Terrorist 1: An infidel.
(Terrorist 1 takes out a pistol and points
it at the man on the ground).
Terrorist 1: You are about to become a casualty of war.
(Terrorist 2 stops him)
Terrorist 2: No, this man is hurt. He needs our help.
Terrorist 1: But we won't make our lift to tomorrow's conference. What was it now?
(He takes a pamphlet from his pocket and
reads).
Terrorist 1: Use of the human genetic code in the development of transgenic micro-organisms targetable to key ethnic genes. You said we must have this knowledge.
Terrorist 2: We can look it up on the internet tomorrow. Tonight, we must help this man. Come.
(Terrorist 2 lifts the man up).
Terrorist 1: But where can we take him?
Terrorist 2: The Garden House Hotel. It's not far.
Terrorist 1: But its £150 a night. It will take all the profit we made from selling the plutonium.
Terrorist 2: Come.
(Terrorist 1 helps terrorist 2 carry the man
out. They continue talking as they go.)
Terrorist 1: Tell me again, why is it such a bad idea to dump a lorry
load of cyanide into Graffam Water?
This script is Copyright 2003Michael English, All Saints Milton. Permission is given to use this drama in non-profit making church events provided the source is acknowledged. Some editing will be required to suit local conditions. Please let us know if you have any comments.