Total Boredom

By Michael English

Summary: Many churches try and make there members to conform to various ideals which sometimes owe more to church culture or class than to Jesus. Jesus is interested in all of us. He values those little idiosyncrasies which make each of us unique. He can do surprising things with them if given the chance. Hopefully this sketch gets the message across.

Bible Reference: John 10:10

Characters: Brian Yawn - a trainspotter, Lisa Sleepsalot - a trainee accountant, Liz Squareyes - a trekkie, Keith Apathetic - a cool youth with a dark secret and your host, Willy Turnip

Props: Notebook, woolly gloves and anorak for Brian; Star Trek uniform for Liz - its amazing how many people have these hidden away somewhere.

Setting: A bad taste game show

(The setting is a Game Show. Four contestants, Brian Yawn, Lisa Sleepsalot, Liz Squareyse and Keith Apathetic, in a line across the back of the stage. The quiz master, Willy Turnip, stands in front.)

Willy: Hello, my name is Willy Turnip. Welcome to the great new game show, Total Boredom! This week we're in Milton and we are going to find out who is the most boring person in the village church! Let's give a big welcome to our first contestant, Brian Yawn!

(Brian steps forward and bows, or otherwise acknowledges the audience)

Brian is a trainspotter. He has a notebook, woolly gloves and even an anorak!


Please welcome our second contestant, Lisa Sleepsalot. Lisa has been training to be an accountant since the age of six, she not only always does her homework, but she asks the teachers to give her extra. She never goes out in the evenings.

(Lisa acknowledges the audience - she is very shy)

You're obviously in with a great chance there Lisa.

Our third contestant is ..... Liz Squareyes.

(Liz gives a Vulcan salute)

Liz is a fan of Star Trek. She has all the videos of all the series.

Wow that's pretty staggering, Liz; in fact its monumentally boring! (Pause)

Our final contestant is Keith Apathetic.

(Keith grins like a maniac, but is dressed in a very cool manner)

Keith: Hi!

Willy: Keith might not appear boring from the outside, but he has a dark secret. He is a secret fan of Graham Kendrick choruses!

Brian, Lisa and Liz: BORING!!!

Willy: Well there we have our four contestants. Its going to be pretty tough to find who is the most boring out of that lot. So to help us find the most boring person in the church, we've had to go right to the top. Please give a big hand for JEESUS.....

(Jesus enters and greets each of the contestants enthusiastically)

Jesus: Hi, Brian. I heard that the one Class 47 diesel that you haven't seen is coming through Ely station today. Why don't you come along with me afterwards to see it.

And Lisa, Mrs Boot at number 44 is having trouble with her tax return, can you come with me tomorrow and help her sort it out?

(Jesus gives a Vulcan salute to Liz)

Live long and prosper!

(He moves on to Keith)

Hello, Keith. I'm really glad that there's still someone who likes old fashioned church music, without forcing it on people who aren't used to it.

Willy (interrupting): Well, Jesus. Who is the most boring?

Jesus: Actually, you are! (Pointing at Willy) Being boring is when you don't let others be themselves; when you try and make them be like you, so that everyone likes the same things and dislikes the same things. That's really boring! And its worst of all when you do it in my church!

(Jesus turns to the congregation)

I didn't come to make you boring, but to give you life in all its fullness.

Come, follow me.

(Jesus heads off to the back of the church with all four contestants and Willy following. Other people in the congregation can be primed to get up and follow him too!)

This script is Copyright 1997 Michael English, All Saints Milton. Permission is given to use this drama in non-profit making church events provided the source is acknowledged. Some editing may be required to suit local conditions. Please let us know if you have any comments.

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