Claim To Be Humble

By Michael English & Kathy English

Summary: Another chat show.  Who really is the most humble?  Watch carefully and find out.

Bible Reference: Matthew 5:5.

Characters: Your host for tonight, Kathy Parkinson; and her guests Kevin Dribblesalot, worlds greatest footballer; Singan Pirouette, a famous singer; and Francis St. John Smythe, politician.  Also featuring: Aian the studio hand.

Props:            Clipboard for Kathy, football for Kevin, glass of water, microphone on a stand.  Kathy and the guests should take it in turn to use the microphone.  It is good if Francis St. John Smythe is taller than the others.

Setting:       A typical chat show set, but without a sofa or seats  they get in the way. 


(Kathy introduces her show)


Kathy:            Hello, I'm Kathy Parkinson.  Welcome to my new chat show Claim To Be Humble.


Today I have three special guests.  Each one is going to claim that they are the most humble.  Listen carefully to their claims - then we're going to decide who is the most humble.


                        First we have.  Kevin Dribblesalot.  He's a famous footballer, who won last month's goal of the month competition.


(Kevin enters)


Kevin:             Thank you fans.


Kathy:            Kevin, just tell us why you're the most humble.


Kevin:             Sure.


(Kevin fumbles with his notes and drops them.  He waits while Aian picks the sheaf of papers up for him).


Kevin:             Cheers mate!  My claim to be humble is that I gave the money I won for scoring the goal of the month to a children's hospice.


Kathy:            Yes, I've seen the plaque you made them put up.  It says, "This ward is funded by donations from Kevin Dribblesalot, Worlds Greatest Footballer." 


Next we have a singer who has had recent three number ones: Singan Pirouette.  Singan please tell us your claim to be humble.


Singan:           I can't make my claim now.  My throats too dry.  Get me a glass of water.


(Aian brings Singan a glass of water during Kathy's next lines)


Kathy:            Your throats only dry because of the tantrum you had when we wouldn't let you go on first.


Singan:           Come on.  Hurry up.  Im feeling faint.


(Singan sips the water.)


Singan:           My claim to be humble is that my new album was going to be called Singan Pirouette is the Greatest, but I insisted on changing it.  That title was too proud!


Kathy:            Well done Singan.  But isn't your new album now called Singan Pirouette is Great.  That's not much of an improvement.


Singan:           Huh.  What do you know?  I should be hosting this show not you.


Kathy:            Our final guest is Francis St John Smythe - a politician who is currently shadow under secretary without portfolio:


Francis:          Hello.  And let me say what a tremendous thrill it must be for you to have me here.


Kathy:            Mr St John-Smythe, what is your claim to be humble:


Francis:          Please, you don't need to bother with all this St. John-Smythe business.  Just call me your Lordship.    Now my claim to be humble.  Ahem this microphone is the wrong height.


(Aian comes up and adjusts the height of the microphone). He goes to stand at the back of the stage).


Francis:          Now as you know, I'm a life peer and a famous politician.  My claim to be humble is that, despite that, I do my own shopping.  Well sometimes. Last year I went into Tesco's and bought a pint of milk.


Kathy:            Thank you, Francis.  Now you've heard all three claims. 


Who is the most humble ?  Is it Kevin Dribblesalot the footballer who gave money to charity?  Or is it Singan Pirouette the singer who changed her album title to something more humble. Or Francis St John-Smythe who once actually went to Tesco's?. 


                        Or is it maybe it is Aian here who got on with being helpful without wanting to be the centre of attention?


This script is Copyright 2002 Michael English & Kathy English, All Saints Milton. Permission is given to use this drama in non-profit making church events provided the source is acknowledged. Some editing may be required to suit local conditions. Please let us know if you have any comments.

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